Chestnut

This is the true story of Chestnut, the friendly horse. A gentle soul, Chestnut is friend to every living creature.

STORYTIME, BITCHES
I AM BIG DICK STALLION MOTHERFUCKER, THE BEST DAMN ENFORCER HORSELLUS WALLACE EVER HAD. DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME "CHESTNUT" OR YOU LOOKING TO GET YOUR FACE CAVED IN.

I WAS MADE SMART BY A DRUID WHO WANTED A HORSE COMPANION. HE NAMED ME CHESTNUT, BUT HE OVERSTEPPED HIS BOUNDARIES. HE TRIED TO RIDE CHESTNUT LIKE I AM A MOTHERFUCKING MARE OR A GELDING, BUT I AINT NO MARE I AM BIG DICK STALLION SO I STAB STAB STAB THAT MOTHERFUCKER IN HIS SLEEP AND TAKE ALL HIS SHIT AND GO LIVE A REAL LIFE LIKE A REAL BIG DICK STALLION.

I GO AND JOIN THE HORSE MAFIA AND BECOME A REAL FRIEND OF HORSE MAFIA LEADER HORSELLUS WALLACE, THE GREATEST HORSE (AND THEREFORE GREATEST PERSON) WHO EVER LIVED. I BECOME A REAL ASSET TO THE HORSE MAFIA BECAUSE I AM FANTASTIC AT KILLING FOOLS. I AMTHE BEST ENFORCER IN THE HORSE MAFIA. I AM REAL GOOD AT STABBING AND CRUSHING AND KICKING AND TREE-CLIMBING BECAUSE I AM THE REAL BIG DICK STALLION, AND THE REAL BIG DICK STALLION IS GOOD AT CLIMBING MOTHERFUCKING TREES BECAUSE I AM REAL BIG DICK STALLION BITCH DON’T QUESTION ME OR YOU BE KILLED LIKE A BITCH-ASS DRUID. DON’T TRY TO TREAT BIG DICK STALLION LIKE A MARE OR I KILL YOU LIKE A STUPID BIPED. DON’T CALL ME CHESTNUT, CALL ME BIG DICK STALLION OTHERWISE YOU WILL BE KILLED LIKE A FUCKIN' BITCH-ASS STUPID BIPED.

NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GIVE ME SOME SUGAR LUMPS.

Ability Scores

 * STR - 19 (STRONG AS FUCK)
 * CON - 16 (TOUGHEST MOTHERFUCKER EVER)
 * DEX - 14 (BUTTERFLIES WISH THEY FLOAT LIKE ME)
 * INT - 3 (I DON'T NEED THAT SHIT)
 * WIS - 10 (STILL WISER THAN YOU)
 * CHA - 10 (I DON'T NEED A NUMBER TO KNOW I'M GREAT)

Defenses

 * AC - 19 to 21 (DO I LOOK LIKE A BITCH?)
 * FORT- 19 (DID I STUTTER?)
 * REF - 17 (DID I MENTION THE BUTTERFLIES?)
 * WILL - 13 (YEAH BUT WHO CARES ABOUT THIS ONE ANYWAY)

Passive Senses

 * Insight - 12 (I DON'T CARE ABOUT PEOPLE, PEOPLE CARE ABOUT ME)
 * Perception - 17 (I SEE THINGS REAL GOOD)

SHIT I GOT

 * Vanguard Lance - Level 3 weapon, AV1 p.81
 * Rabbit's Foot Necklace worn as a headband around ears - unknown level Neck slot
 * Bracers of Mighty Striking - Level 2 Arms slot
 * Mysterious onyx and gold ring tied into mane, given by another adventuring group
 * 1310 gp

SHIT I WANT
FROM MOST BEST TO LEAST BEST
 * Badge of the Berzerker - Level 2+ Neck slot, Adventurer's Vault 2 (AV2) p.65
 * Armour of the Charging Wind (Cloth) - Level 5+ Armour, Mordenkainen's Magnificent Emporium p.13
 * Bridle of Flame - Level 16 Mount (Head?) slot, AV2 p.110
 * Unbroken Lance - Level 12+ Lance, AV2 p.111
 * Ghost Bridle - Level 4 Mount (Head?) slot, AV1 p.123
 * Zephyr Horseshoes - Level 9 Mount (Feet or Hands) slot, AV1 p.124
 * Charger's Headress - Level 12+ Head slot, AV2 p.111
 * Veteran's Armour (Cloth) - Level 2+ Armour, AV1 p.55